I Am Ali Baba?

I was just doing the math recently and discovered that, out of both clans, my mother's and my father's, I am the youngest on both sides. That makes me the true baby of the family! Isn't that a little like being the seventh son of the seventh son? I feel like Ali Baba! Must be a cave full of riches around here somewhere. Open sesame!

My Singing Rules

I have been singing solos since the age of five and have even lead music in churches on many occasions. I've had some experience in leading church choirs, young and old and have been a member of a number of duets, quartets and ensembles. I've spent a lot of time in college and church choirs and have developed some rules about how it should be done. My ideas have coalesced into the following ten rules. These are not necessarily in order of importance.

1. Don’t do anything that hurts.

2. Stay on key.

3. Breath from your bellybutton.

4. Look at your director occasionally.

5. Stay on your part!

6. Look at your music occasionally.

7. Relax.

8. Have fun!

9. Smile!

10. Look ‘em in the eye! If you don’t, they won’t believe you. (This rule is to be suspended while singing in a choir to facilitate watching the director.)

Are You a Halloween Bigot?

Are you a Halloween bigot?

Do you preach against Halloween and secretly wear pumpkin undies?

Are you a "Halloweenie" in denial?

Have you been secretly watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"?


Did you get a rock in your trick-or-treat bag as a child?

Was a brown paper bag the most you could afford to carry your candy in?

Were you "egged" by the neighborhood bully as a child?

Do you really think that "trunk-for-treat" is a proper replacement for "trick-or-treat"? (Isn't that what the Catholic church did? Didn't the Pope just replace pagan holidays with amalgamations of Christian-pagan holidays?)

Do you truly believe little children's greatest desire for Halloween is to kill someone?

Do you truly believe that people who celebrate Halloween are inadvertently worshiping Satan?

Do you truly believe Satan is "stronger" on Halloween night?

Do you quote scriptures from the Old Testament to attack Halloween?

Have you been told by your fundamentalist, pre-millennial, King James only, fire-and-brimstone breathin', sin hatin', pew hoppin' pastor that Halloween is "Satan's Holy Day"?

Do you think that the "Hotel California" album was about the "Church of Satan"?

Do you really believe that Anton Lavay was the "High Priest of the Church of Satan"?

Do you really believe that "Anton Lavay" was Anton Lavay's real name?

Do you really believe anything that Anton Lavay said?

Do you stress and strain and worry over little children coming to your door in princess and bunny costumes asking for candy on one night of the year?

Are you, perhaps, a cheapskate?

Are you afraid to watch reruns "Bewitched" of "I Dream of Jeannie"?

Do you strain at gnats and swallow camels?

California Here He Comes!

I'm making some of my wishy-washy Facebook friends ticked off with comments I've been making like these since Kiffin dropped Tennessee like a cat that he had just discovered was really a pole-cat. (That metaphor might not actually be that far off base.)

"Ya know, I was just thinking about the Vols ex-coach and got to feeling sorry for him. Poor fellow wasn't here long enough to lean the words to Rocky Top."

"Hey, Tennessee! I've got a new swear word for ya'll. It goes like this: You hit your finger with a hammer and say, "Oh, Kiffin!" You get mad at someone and say, "I'm gonna kick the Kiffin out of you!" You go see your doctor and say, "The laxative you gave me worked great, Doc. I had a really good Kiffin yesterday." The... possibilities are endless. See what you can come up with, Tennessee."

"Wowzer!!! Am I glad we got rid of that good-for-nothin' old Phillip Fulmer! Yeah, now we got us a really good...oh, no, that's right...we DON'T have a coach now. Ya know, I hate to say I told you so...no, actually, I'm enjoying saying I told you so. Tennessee's chickens have come home to roost! Rather, one big chicken flew the roost squawking, "California, here I come!" har-de-har-de-HAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Poor old Coach Kiffin. How will he ever explain to his son why he named him Knox? I guess he'll be able to give him a million or so reasons why. (How much did Kiffin get paid for a year here in God's country anyway?)"

I'm glad it's only football, but the obvious life lesson is that you can't expect people to be more loyal to you than you are to people. Well, you can expect it, but you'll be sorely disappointed again and again.

P.S. Yes, there are many more "smart-kiffin" remarks yet to come. One last thing though...Good Riddance!!!