Do you preach against Halloween and secretly wear pumpkin undies?
Are you a "Halloweenie" in denial?
Have you been secretly watching "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"?
Did you get a rock in your trick-or-treat bag as a child?
Was a brown paper bag the most you could afford to carry your candy in?
Were you "egged" by the neighborhood bully as a child?
Do you really think that "trunk-for-treat" is a proper replacement for "trick-or-treat"? (Isn't that what the Catholic church did? Didn't the Pope just replace pagan holidays with amalgamations of Christian-pagan holidays?)
Do you truly believe little children's greatest desire for Halloween is to kill someone?
Do you truly believe that people who celebrate Halloween are inadvertently worshiping Satan?
Do you truly believe Satan is "stronger" on Halloween night?
Do you quote scriptures from the Old Testament to attack Halloween?
Have you been told by your fundamentalist, pre-millennial, King James only, fire-and-brimstone breathin', sin hatin', pew hoppin' pastor that Halloween is "Satan's Holy Day"?
Do you think that the "Hotel California" album was about the "Church of Satan"?
Do you really believe that Anton Lavay was the "High Priest of the Church of Satan"?
Do you really believe that "Anton Lavay" was Anton Lavay's real name?
Do you really believe anything that Anton Lavay said?
Do you stress and strain and worry over little children coming to your door in princess and bunny costumes asking for candy on one night of the year?
Are you, perhaps, a cheapskate?
Are you afraid to watch reruns "Bewitched" of "I Dream of Jeannie"?
Do you strain at gnats and swallow camels?
